Why Parents Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup
There are many moments in a parent’s everyday life that are stressful, spilled milk on the counter, big upsets in the grocery store or sleepless nights. Parenting is a big job and takes a lot of focus on top of other stressors like financial concerns, societal norms and expectations, housing concerns for some. It can be easy to slip into a chronic state of stress and is totally understandable.
By understanding some of how our body and nervous system works when we are nonstop stressed it can be easier to get out of that cycle. When we have a true fight or flight moment, like being chased by a tiger, a cascade of hormones flood our system. Epinephrine, Norepinephrine flood the system increasing heart rate, sugar (glucose) floods the blood, our blood pressure rises, we are ready to run or fight.
When the daily hassle begins to trigger the same fight or flight sympathetic nervous system response we start to enter into the chronic parenting stress response cycle. Our body can’t tell the difference between being chased by a tiger and a screaming child, financial stress or a pile of laundry.
Physical and Emotional Stress Symptoms
Body: Clenched jaw, headaches, stomach pain, shallow breathing and chronic fatigue, immune system is suppressed, and sleep dysregulation.
Emotional: Mood changes, anxiety, poor concentration, burnout, and irritability.
We can’t pour from an empty cup and that’s why self-care is so important. When chronic parenting stress becomes the norm it can affect our personal health and our family. In this way self-care is a necessity, not a selfish luxury. When you take care of your nervous system it gives you the patience and energy to show up for your family the way you want and prioritize your health. Self-Care, doesn’t need to be fancy or require money, babysitters or a weekend getaway.
Self- Care Ideas
- Walks
- Bath or hot shower
- Reading
- Micro-breaks- splash cold water on your face, warm tea, ect.
- Attending a parenting support group
- Music- listen, sing or play
- Time with Friends
- Backyard time
- Bike
- Comfort Meal
- Deep Breath
Ask yourself… What is a barrier to self-care for me? This can be a good place to start. What might be keeping you from doing some of these things? How can you remove some of these barriers or make time for some self-care? See if you can incorporate some of these ideas into everyday life, interweaving them into your routine or utilizing them as you notice those physical symptoms of stress. I like a lot of the self-care ideas above but my favorite one is working with the breath. I love it because it is free and always with us.
Here are some of my favorite breathing practices
Deep breathing
Most important is that you listen to your own body. There is no right way to take a deep breath. Inhale though the nose, see if it feels good to let your belly expand, and deep breath out. This sends a signal to your brain to relax, the heart rate slows and we remind ourselves, we are not being chased by a tiger.
Candle Breath
Inhale though the nose and exhale through the mouth like a straw. It can be a big straw or a small straw. Remember, you are your own best teacher, listen to what feels best for you.
Bee Breath
Humming is a wonderful way to have feedback while you are breathing and relax the nervous system. Bonus is that children often like it and will also learn to use it. The humming can be low pitch, high pitch, quiet or loud. Try it out and see if you like it.
Here at Parenting Now we are here to support you through your parenting journey! We have several groups to support you whether it is our weekly free drop in Baby Connection Group Wednesday from 11-12 or one of our First Three Years groups for families with Infants to 3 years old. We also have our Making Parenting A Pleasure group focused on supporting you as a parent specifically. All of our groups can be low to no cost for those who need so please don’t let a financial burden keep you from attending. We also provide childcare during our group for one’s and up so you don’t have to worry about that when you come to a Parenting Now group.
You are doing great! Keep up the good work and know we are here if you need support with our programs or other resources in our local community. Take a deep breath, get a nice warm cup of tea and hope to see you soon.