If you are a caregiver for a child I want to share with you something that I am trying to give myself more of lately: grace. This time of year can be quite busy, sometimes chaotic, often stressful and sometimes painful. It can also be a time of great joy and celebration. A time where we are hopefully able to relax with our friends and family and remember what is most important to us. Often it can be a mix of all of these things simultaneously. Even amidst all this chaos there is still space for grace.
As caregivers we often spend the vast majority of our energy and attention trying to give our little ones the best experiences. We work so hard to provide for them and give them everything they need and quite a bit of what they want. In doing so we often forget to take care of another very important person: ourselves. We take on all the worries and stresses regarding our children in addition to the ones we already have from work, life and relationships. We wear ourselves down and beat ourselves up…trying so hard to be perfect.
So what does it mean to give ourselves grace? Well, first we have to start with this whole being perfect thing…it will never happen so we have to learn to be okay with our flaws and mistakes and know that we are still awesome in spite of them. It also means realizing that what our kids really want and need from us the most…is time. They want to be with us, to play with us and to tell us all about what’s going on in their lives. They want to know how important they are to us and that during this crazy, busy, stressful time they can count on us for love and comfort. What I’ve discovered is that when I focus more on being as present as possible as often as possible a lot of the stress, chaos and busyness fades away. This allows me to create some beautiful and relaxing memories that help me remember that I am a great parent…and I have some pretty amazing kids too!
In Make Parenting A Pleasure, we have a whole session on Self-Care right near the beginning of our series. This isn’t a conversation about super luxurious or expensive activities or vacations either (although those are great if you can do them!). This conversation is focused on small things we can do moment by moment, 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there…to re-center ourselves, to give ourselves a break and to just breathe for a few minutes. Self-care isn’t selfish in our opinion. It actually makes us better parents, because after we are refreshed or take just a few minutes to prioritize our own mental/emotional/physical needs we actually are able to come back and be a better parent for our children. This sounds really hard for those of us taking care of kids alone all day or trying to hold everything together by ourselves, but even during these difficult times if we can just find 5 minutes to go the bathroom by ourselves, or have a short dance party, or doodle in an adult coloring book, we can take the time we need to help us and still keep showing up for the littles who need us.